Why would you buy a Slow Ferrari

I'm tall. 5'11"and 3/4 of an inch tall. And those measurements were taken on a *SUPER SCIENTIFIC SCANNER* so you know that shit is for real. That whole story is for another day. 

I still need shoes for the Auto Show Gala. And since I am vertically blessed, I have to make sure the heel is low enough to not make my dress into a "tea-length" when I want it "full length". I talked to my stylist friend about the prospective dresses and she said that I should go for a 2 inch heel. A TWO INCH HEEL!!!!!???? THAT'S LIKE WEARING BIRKENSTOCKS!! THE HORROR!!! 

We all know a sky-high heel makes your legs look like long, lovely string beans. They change your posture into the most statuesque form. Oh yeah, and I am the World Grand Champion of Wearing Them, so that is my comfort-zone shoe. I like to be 6'6'', I want to have eye-to-eye convos with Kobe Bryant. I just love a heel. 

So a 2 incher is making me sad. #thatswhatshesaid

I told my Favie-Favie Girl Teena about this, and she said, "buying a low heel is like buying a *slow Ferrari*" no truer words have ever been spoken. I love her. 

So I went shopping, here's what I found. 

"OH I LOVE THIS PAIR!! THEY'RE LOW!!" - Me.
"No, they are a 4 inch heel." - SalesLady.
Dammit.

 This somber pair are probably perfect. But it would have crushed my soul to purchase them.

 Oh HEY GIRL HEY!! Oh crap, 3 inch heel. *crying*

 "I don't care if my dress is too short, I love these shoes!!" How cute are they?

 3 inch Satin Gladiator with Gold Detail!! Yes please! *but I can't*

Oh Lawd, these are FAST FERRARIS! I love the heel and the way it creeps up the achilles area.

 2.5 inch heel. Sadness.

 OH YAY!! WE'RE BACK UP TO 5 inches!!! These are FABULOUS!!

OH GOODNESS ME!!! Why couldn't i be 5'4'', just for one day!? Red Satin with a Gold Chrome Heel!!?? SHUT THE HELL UP!! GIT IN MY CLOSET!!

Look at that heel. that makes me want to walk on men's backs like in the Kelis "Bossy" video.

 These are a 3 inch heel, not too repulsive. but too high??

 YUCK. Perfect. 2 inches on the nose. These are probably the ones I should get. But I just COULDN'T!! THE PRINCIPAL OF IT ALL!! GAH!!

I may just wear a pair of shoes that I made for my sister-in-laws wedding. I just can't spend money on these awful things. I would rather wear an old pair and spend my money later on a MARVELOUS pair of 6.5 inches that make my legs look 30 yards long.